14 Days off: #6

Cancer and Creativity

One of the M.D.s at the recent Sarcoma Cancer Conference asked me how creativity and cancer are connected, as he glanced at the handout from the Premiere Oncology and Beckstrand Cancer Foundations’ sponsored art therapy workshops.

I momentary paused at what seemed like a ‘no-brainer’ question. Since creativity has been a life time philosophy for surviving daily challenges, I took it for granted that everyone understands how creativity helps us to find solutions in our lives. So let’s step back into that conversation and delve into creativity.

I believe creativity is that inner voice that resides within each of us. We may open a window long enough to see and hear what our creative voice has to offer, and we may respond to those notes and rhythms.

We may cautiously pry loose the top of our treasure chest of hopes and dreams just long enough to put them into action.

We may step through our castle’s threshold to discover the unexplored space of sound, the magnificent palettes of color, and the multiple textures of surface.

We are each given dice to roll, we add up our spots of feelings, our intensity of emotions, and get the sum, which I call wisdom.

Finally, in “Cancer and Creativity workshops” the weekly two-hour commitment opens opportunities to express our transforming and often cancer engulfed lives. The art therapy workshops help to honor who I am and how I am living with cancer.

Postscript:

The weekly writing and group therapy sessions at The Wellness Community in Santa Monica have opened opportunities to explore and empower feelings. The meetings provide a small and safe forum for my fears and progress. As a result, my life has improved because of not only the programs at the Wellness Community, but the art therapy workshops at Premiere Oncology, also in Santa Monica, California.

Hexalen® The Cap Dance, day 4, #23

This capsule taking is getting to be a non-issue,

Always clean hands before and after taking the medicine,

Swallow capsules after meals, and

Take naps when necessary.

A week from this coming Sunday, I will be on my '14 days of no capsules.'

I like my medicine

My medicine likes me

We are a team

Healing the cancer inside of me

Go Caps! Go!

Hexalen® day 3, Six Capsules a Day, #22

Six Capsules a Day

Michelle Leddel

Mixed media

approx 12 x 12 inches

December 2009

Created while in 'Cancer and Creativity Art Therapy Workshop'

Presented by Premiere Oncology Foundation and Beckstrand Cancer Foundation

Instructor: Esther Dreifuss-Kattan, PhD, ATR

Hexalen® day 2, ChemoCaps, #21

Hi, how do you do?

I'm going to call you my ChemoCaps for chemotherapy capsules.

Have you met my friends and family? They are listening, watching and lending all kinds of support. Some of them are cancer survivors, also experiencing the multiple events that go along with monitoring and treating the disease of cancer.

Additionally, there are the teams of people who are treating, monitoring, supporting, funding, and creating the tools to help the cancer survivors and their families.

So, ChemoCaps, we are not alone. There are endless numbers of people who are helping.

Hexalen® is in my system, day 1, #20

This is Day One of the first month of this oral chemotherapy, Hexalen®.

For the past 20 days I have been in mental training to create ways to see the joy and fun in swallowing six pills, two three times a day: a drug that is going to kill the fast-growing cells in my body. I will be taking them 14 days and then for 14 days I will not be taking them. After three months of this schedule, I will undergo a scan to determine the benefits of Hexalen® on the peritoneal cancer.

When I received the three previous chemotherapy drugs, the oncology nurse gave them to me and I remained fairly comfortable during the 17 infusions. The most debilitating side effect was fatigue.

Opps, I just remembered the hair loss, hand/foot syndrome, the swollen lips, and difficulty swallowing. I wonder if this short-term memory delay on the topic of side effects is a device to help me endure this new drug, or is it possibly ChemoBrain* kicking in?

Now that I have been prescribed oral medication, I'm more aware of individuals who are taking oral chemotherapy drugs. They are suffering from the side effects, ah, but wait, most people experience multiple side effects from any type of chemotherapy drug--they are very powerful drugs.

So I return to the joy and excitement of swallowing my chemotherapy medication. ChemoBuddy Bruce suggested that I add variety to the process of taking the medicine by having three different types of juice throughout the day. Right! This morning I just took the two capsules with water, but by this afternoon, I remembered Bruce's suggestion, and drank APPLE JUICE. Now I'm so excited, what will be my third juice of the day?

Come on, have some fun with me!

*"Your Brain After Chemo: A Practical Guild to Lifting the Fog and Getting Back Your Focus."

Dan Silverman, MD, PhD and Idelle Davidson, 2009, Da Capo Press

Hexalen® and Drug Warnings , #19

As I prepare to begin taking my six doses of Hexalen ® a day, the warnings on the container caught my eye again.

Verrry interesting:

These days people are so cautious about surfaces we touch,

the door knobs we don't touch after washing our hands,

the frequent use of hand sanitizers, and yesterday someone mentioned--

touching the bottles of condiments at restaurant tables that have been used by unknown hands.

Back to the label, my cancer-killing medication container is advising me to wash my hands AFTER I touch the medication.

I guess I better do what I'm told, but shouldn't I wash my hands BEFORE I take the medicine?

Hexalen® and 'Magic Tube' #18

In Cancer and Creativity Art Therapy Workshop the recent theme was 'magic'.

With a sense of play and curiosity Magic Tube was created.

My greatest thrill is when I look through it.

Take a look...

Hexalen® and My art exhibit reception #16

In between four of my pieces of art on display at Premiere Oncology

Is the ever present container of 84 Hexalen® chemotherapy pills/capsules

It seems that the container is a reminder that once there is a diagnosed cancer

Cancer is always here/there in one form or another

Follow-up tests

Medication

Re-occurrence

Metastasis

Side effects

Now, I know it IS time to go to the Opening Reception at

Premiere Oncology

Hexalen®, "Hair Chronicles on Canvas" & Art Reception, #14

Hair Chronicles on Canvas was first posted on this blog September 11, 2009. While it was not framed at that time, the progression and significance of the images was detailed. Please go back to the 9/11/09 blog entry.

This photograph includes the container of 84 Hexalen® chemotherapy pills that I will begin taking shortly. My oncologist said I will not lose my hair with this medication. But who knows, if I need to go on to another drug after this one, will my hair drop out? That's what the bottom right image on Hair Chronicles on Canvas refers to--What's in my hair's future?

And now a quick note from Robbie Gluckson, Executive Director of Premiere Oncology Foundation:

We do hope you will all join us this Wednesday, December 2^nd for the Cancer & Creativity Opening Art Exhibit Reception from 4 to 6 pm, here at the Premiere Oncology Foundation. We encourage you to bring friends and family to the event, as we celebrate the artistic creations from our Cancer & Creativity workshop participants.

Many thanks to Dr. Esther Dreifuss-Katten, Corinne Lightweaver, Rachael Buchwald, Zizi Raymond and all of the Cancer & Creativity workshop participants for their incredible efforts.

2020 Santa Monica Blvd., Suite 600, Santa Monica, CA Phone: 310-570-1474, Robbie

Hexalen® and Art Exhibit Opening Reception , #13

For over a year I have been attending a weekly art therapy program for cancer survivors.

Art therapy class is helping me explore feelings of fear and comfort, my past and future, as well as a tool to talk about something other than cancer.

I’m an Artist!

The Premiere Oncology Foundation (Santa Monica) and Beckstrand Cancer Foundation (Newport Beach) have made these opportunities available. Teacher of "Cancer and Creativity" class and curator of art exhibit is Esther Dreifuss-Kattan, PhD, ATR.

Opening Reception, December 2, 2009 from 4 - 6 pm OPEN TO ALL

2020 Santa Monica Blvd., Suite 600, Santa Monica, CA

Exhibition closes January 31, 2010

Docent: Robbie Gluckson, 310-570-1474

Must call for limited viewing times

www.premiereoncology.org

"Mandala: My Siblings"

21 1/2 x 18 1/2 inches

mixed media

My recent genealogy research helped to strengthen the love, value, influence, and support from my living sister and four brothers.

The inner white circle with glitter represents Janice, our sister who lived only two days. The next five circles surrounding Janice Marie, signify my siblings’ creativity, musical talents, environmental passions, dedication to education, and love of food.

My sisters and brothers, and their families, bring me strength and inspiration as I bask in the golden circle of love.

Hexalen® and YEA! note , #12

Over eleven days ago, my oncologist discussed the results of the most recent PET/CT scans with me and my second set of ears, Joyce. The doctor also said that because of the slight increase in my tumor marker (CA-125), it was time to review the options for new treatment.

Since the primary peritoneal carcinoma (PPC) is being treated like ovarian cancer, there are numerous chemotherapy drugs to select from. I feel pretty lucky that science and medicine is at this point today. Heck, when my mother died of ovarian cancer in 1991, two weeks after diagnosis, I would speculate that there were fewer options for her than what I have today.

I have already had significant success with two of my three earlier Chemotherapy drugs, and when the oncologist most recently reviewed the next three cancer-killing drugs that are now readily available for me, I could see hope. Our new drug of choice is Hexalen.®

Hexalen® and Cirque Du Soleil, #11

It is always thrilling

when Cirque Du Soleil comes to Santa Monica

Especially the year Ed blindfolded me when we left home

for a place unknown to me.

When I was allowed to see I was walking into the

Cirque Du Soleil tents

This year Hexalen® will be my guest

Hexalen® and Black Friday, #10

The day after Thanksgiving is known as Black Friday in the retail business. On this day businesses look forward to fantastic sales, and as a result, they finally get out of the red and can start making a profit.

My photographic contribution to Black Friday acknowledges the difficult job of retail workers. For some employees, it is endless hours of standing on hard floors, making the merchandise look neat and attractive, and listening to the same holiday songs over and over, all while trying to make customers happy with their purchases.

I hope they made it out of the red and into the black!

As for me, there are fewer red and swollen areas on my body because the side effects from previous chemotherapy drug are diminishing. Overall, while there is still some disease in my pelvic area, I feel like I'm in the black--"I feel SOOO Good!"*

*A quote from Dr. Lizard, aka, Kedric Robin Wolfe

Hexalen® and Thanksgiving Flowers, #9

Thanksgiving Dinner with dear friends was an opportunity to voice how grateful I'm for the science, medicine, and individuals who are bringing health and life to me and others.

Since I have not started taking my Hexalen® chemotherapy pills, I felt really good that I could TOTALLY enjoy the chips and dip, soup, salad, etc., etc., etc. Even the left overs are fun to eat.

I'm just wondering and some what anticipating that when I start popping the six Hexalen® pills a day (for 14 days on and 14 days off) that my life will be governed by having the container of anti-nausea within arms reach. Believe me, I hope I won't be getting sick to my stomach!

P.S., My oncologist said to begin taking the Hexalen® within 14-21 days from my last appointment (nine days ago). He gave me some leeway because the mouth sores and cracked 'n dry skin from the previous chemotherapy needed time to heal.

Flowers from: Paul's Unique Creations, Santa Monica, California.

Hexalen® and Forrest Gump, #8

Forrest Gump quotes:

I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze. But I, I think maybe it's both.

Mama says they was magic shoes. They could take me anywhere.

When I got tired, I slept. When I got hungry, I ate. When I had to go, you know, I went.

source:

http://www.great-quotes.com/cgi-bin/viewquotes.cgi?action=search&Movie=Forrest+Gump

Hexalen® and Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., #7

While walking on the Santa Monica Pier

we sat for a moment to reflect

on the many blessings

Happy Thanksgiving Day

Hexalen® and turkey, #6

To begin my Thanksgiving meal for wellness, I will open several six-pacs of bubbling humor for my guests. We sit around the rotating table of relaxing environments, including the Pacific Ocean, the rice fields of Bali, and the mountains of Telluride, while fresh breezes and tinkling wind chimes refresh us.

Around this table sit my salt ‘n peppered, love-filled friends of many decades, along with the active, little leprechauns from paradise. They are spreading uncontained curiosity and softened kisses of unconditional love. Rays of hope spread an inner contentment upon everyone.

The table seems to be overjoyed as the rainbow of fruits and vegetables in multiple glass bowls are placed in front of the guests. A momentary quiet spreads across the room as people are nourished with hope.

As my guests anticipate the next course, a chain of charming and magical beans are stirred and brought to the table. The presentation is impressive as the hot tureen goes from one person to another. The endorphin-filled steam rises and lifts our dreams of wellness from the ever-present reality.

We take a deep breath, exhale, relax, and appreciate the Thanksgiving meal, and then make our selection from the dessert buffet of rewarding tenderness, endless hugs, and compassionate smiles.

The room is filled with positive energy, as each person says and hears, “I’m so happy we are together on the Thanksgiving Day. Peace be with you.”

This writing is based upon the prompt from the West Los Angeles, Wellness Community Writing Group. We meet two hours on a weekly basis. Thanks to Zena and Michael for being there for us today.

Hexalen® and the Ferris wheel, #5

While on my walk on the Santa Monica Pier, it seemed I could almost hear a conversation with the Ferris wheel and the Hexalen® chemotherapy pills.

If you are new to this blog, Hexalen® will be my next chemotherapy drug. Unlike the three previous cancer-killing drugs which were given intravenously, I will be taking six capsules throughout the day. Possible side effects: nausea.

Okay, back to what sounded like a conversation between the Ferris wheel and the Hexalen®:

"Hi, What's up?" Ferris Wheel asked.

"Aren't you funny! Ferris Wheel, You are up! You are up there in the sky!" Hexalen® said in a somewhat impatient way.

"Guess what? I think we have something in common."

"What do you mean? In my plastic container there are 84 capsules." Hexalen® called out.

"Do you have 84 seats up there?"

"No, actually, I take more than 84 passengers. Good guess! But, what we have in common is that we can both make people sick to their stomach!"

"Oh YES, Ferris Wheel! You are right. My cute, little white capsules, can make people...you know...kinda...like...they want to...you know....barf.

I wish we could have something different in common."

"You are right. I'll think about it and you think about it too," And Hexalen® nodded good bye to Ferris Wheel.

"Bye bye, come back soon Hexalen®. Bye"

Hexalen® goes to the Pacific Ocean, #4

We took a wonderful walk in order to take this photograph. It has been clear and oh, so beautiful in Santa Monica.

The walk was an opportunity to have 'quality time,' and to spend some relaxing moments in the sun and get a dose of Vitamin D.

Finally, while I was not wearing the best walking shoes, I continued this adventure and found, of all things,

my shadow!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart