Michelle's next phase

Dr. Visit

2010-09-21T15:21:00.002-07:00

Michelle had a painful 1600 liters ( alot!) removed from one of her lungs today and is resting at home now. She was in quite a bit of pain and needed some pain meds.

Good thing, alot of liquid removed , bad thing pain.

The scan showed that the other lung is carrying as much liquid which can be removed when she is up to it.

Dr

2010-09-21T15:21:00.001-07:00

Fluid remo

Today

2010-09-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

....another quick update from Eric.

Michelle slept well last night with a little help from Tylenol PM ( stuff is great for getting over jet lag).

Michelle is still getting up a few times at night to go to the bathroom, but she has no problem getting right back to sleep. And, feels comforable taking the 5 steps from her bed to bathroom.

Things are moving right along at the house, Marlene was here at 8am to help with her chemo caps...and I delivered a new Porsche ( portable, lightweight wheel chair). Nurse delivered the infusion and will be back after her noon appointment to start "the drip."

Marlene is taking her for a Doctors appointment to remove fluid from her abdomen and lungs and then she is back at home for the afternoon....and a visit from her niece Samantha is scheduled for the evening.

Michelle is happy with the way things are coming together around her.

Update from Eric

2010-09-21T10:27:00.001-07:00

Hi all,

Eric (her loving stepson) here. Signed into Michelle's account with her permission of course :).

Michelle finished her first week of the clinical trial last week and over the weekend her she felt weaker then she had been before. Her Ca 125 markers are up and from the scans Dr. Goldman presented yesterday as the first week of the trials have not halted the "caking" in her abdomen.

The 2nd week in the trial began yesterday and lasts through this week. Dr. Goldman's hope is that this really kicks in and slows the advancement down. She will take the Chemo and Parp Inhibitor for 5& 7 days and then is off for 3 weeks and then back on for a week.

Over the last few days, everyone has rallied around to ensure she has helping hands through the day and has the necessary support at night. Bruce and Marlene, her close friends and neighbors and Toni, her long time friend and house keeper are with her during the days and family visits are scheduled through the nights and into weekend.

After this little blip in energy levels, Nana seems to be settling for another round in the ring. Ding Ding

Pacman meets ovarian cancer

2010-09-18T13:28:00.000-07:00

more later...

...I'm very tired and weak...

Second 'long day' of Clinical Trial #2

2010-09-11T09:28:00.000-07:00

What's up?

Three days ago I had my 2nd 'long day.' An earlier blog provided information on 'long day #1.' It seemed that I was more relaxed this time because I knew what to expect: twelve blood draws, two EKGs, ten checks of my vitals, swallowing four PARP Inhibitors capsules, visit by nurse practitioner, lunch 'n dinner, and then release at 8 pm. Opps, forgot to tell you that I returned the next morning for a blood draw.

The best part about the day was the contacts with friends and family. I spoke with a brother in Florida as well as other loving friends. B and M came by, and as always, we always have so much to discuss. They also drove me home again, which I really appreciated because I was tired and weak.

The worst thing about this disease is my distended abdominal area. It is putting pressure on my heart and my elimination process. Not happy sensations! Could it be from the fluid build-up? An ultra-sound a week ago, showed that it was not fluid build-up, where as a week earlier, two liters of fluid was withdrawn.

I just reread the CT scan of three weeks ago and I have to accept the fact that this feeling of fullness in my torso is from the "worsening peritoneal carcinomatosis," direct quote from the CT report. Carcinomatosis is also known as calking. I am relying again on current and new treatment to once again dramatically rid my body of this #%$&! Oh, did I mention that I just called in Pacman to eat that stuff out of my body?! A suggestion from John!

There is so much to learn, monitor, second guess, and to get through. And for this, I receive the frequent hugs and 'pats-on-the-back' for being strong.

Thank you

Today is Saturday. On Monday I have/will experience/go through 'long day #3.'

Tuesday morning I return to the oncology clinic for a fasting blood draw, followed by an IHOP breakfast.

Wednesday, my annual mammogram (at this point, is this really necessary?)

Thursday, 'long day #4'

Friday, like Tuesday, I return to the oncology clinic for a fasting blood draw, followed by an IHOP breakfast AND, OPPS, stop the press! I'm going to have a CT scan one hour after the 8 am blood draw AND I can't eat four hours before the scan. Oh well, somethings just have to happen!

Real life: "not candy-coated"

2010-09-03T10:47:00.000-07:00

On Monday of this week, two liters of fluid were taken out of my tummy and now, today, I will go back for another tap. I feel very uncomfortable with this fluid in my torso. I'm also unhappy that the fluid buildup happened so quickly. It was six weeks between the first and second tap (paracentesis) and now only five days between the second and third tap.

...One day later...

Again through the use of ultra sound, the technician and radiologist looked for fluid buildup. They could NOT find the hugh pocket of fluid that they found on two previous occasions. A tiny amount, yes. The paracentesis was not done yesterday.

Possibly an irritated bowel is causing the tenderness and the feeling that there are four to five pounds of fluid in my tummy. My medical team then gave me guidelines for gentle and healthy eating this weekend.

key words: ascites, paracentesis,

Clinical Trial #2

2010-09-02T13:59:00.000-07:00

My previous blog let you know that my first experience with a Clinical Trial, (aka, CT #1) was short lived. Why? CT scan showed an increase in the cancer in my pelvic and abdomen, there was more pain, and my blood tumor marker (CA-125) had tripled one month after I began CT #1.

Yesterday, exactly four weeks since the last infusion of the CT #1 meds, I began Clinical Trial #2 (aka, CT #2) also at the same nearby oncology clinic.

The first of my four special days at the oncology clinic was yesterday. By the time I left, 12 1/2 hours later, I swallowed the 4 PARP Inhibitors capsules, had 2 EKGs, 12 blood draws, lunch and dinner, and was checked by the doctor. This is what they call 'the long day' at the clinic.

Thanks to friends and family for all the love and support. I will have three more 'long days' of this clinical trial during the next two weeks.

Why so much lab work, you may ask? To see which of the formulations of this PARP Inhibitor, also known as targeted therapy, works best in my body. In eighteen days, I will be given the best and specific PARP Inhibitor dosage and the new chemotherapy medicine, both oral drugs.

So after all that, how do I feel? Tired, bloated, loved, and hopeful.

Dear Diary,

2010-08-20T18:08:00.000-07:00

When in doubt, write it down

Among the many qualities cancer survivors acquire on their path of healing is the ability to sense when things are changing in their bodies. As a result of scans and/or lab work, those hunches are often confirmed.

Dear Diary,

A few weeks ago I had pains in my abdominal/pelvic area. Medical staff checked it out and said it didn't seem to be serious. "Go on your trip and have a good time, call if things get worst!"

The morning after I returned, my doctor called while he was on vacation. The recent blood work was red flagged (my term) and get in for a CT scan as soon as possible, is what came across. Seven hours later, the CT scan was completed.

My dear Diary, the results are in. The clinical trial I began one month ago is not helping because the ovarian cancer is progressing. #@&#!!!!

And the pain and tenderness has been increasing. double #@&!!!!

So as of two days ago, I'm off of that clinical trial (aka, CT #1: Avastin and the mystery drug)

In two days I will again be in the doctor's office to discuss the next treatment plan, something I will probably refer to as CT #2,

So as I write to you Diary, we have to recall that during the past 26 months three out of the five earlier chemotherapy treatments had successfully reduced the cancer to a more livable level, such as 'no sign of disease' or 'cancer free' or 'remission.' And if it was possible then, it will be possible again!

My Dear diary, thank you for being here whenever I need to express myself. I bet you realize by this time that sometimes I just can't talk, I can only write. Thank you for just being a good listener. Now, I think I can go for that walk that I have been putting off all day long.

Image above:

Basket of writing pads and clip boards at The Wellness Community in Santa Monica

Stay tuned in for the 5 o'clock news

2010-08-17T21:34:00.001-07:00

What's Inside

2010

Instead of having a PET/CT scan in four weeks,

continuing abdominal discomfort, among other things,

resulted in having a CT scan today!

Oh my, oh my!

I'm glad this technology exists, that is,

to be able to 'see' what's under the skin without a surgical procedure

But,

I gotta say,

I couldn't take my much needed afternoon nap

because I was wondering

what my teams of doctors will recommend in two days

Oh my, oh my!

This piece, “What's Inside" (computer assisted from original) was modified from, “A Day in the Life of Michelle,” mixed media, July 2010.
The art was inspired in Art Therapy recently at Premiere Oncology in Santa Monica, California.

How are you?

2010-08-09T10:52:00.000-07:00

Point of Reference

2010

The gal in cancer support group e-mailed me, "How are you?

This morning the answer just seemed to be...

Fine...but I'm thinking about a 'growing feeling that something new is going on in my abdominal area'

But if I don't think about it, doesn't it kinda just go away, for a while?

I'm fine until I get the results of the next scan in a month, and the results of the somewhat helpful tumor marker within the month...

I'm fine ... because I'm going to meet my recently discovered family soon

I'm fine - I'm fine

This piece, “Point of Reference" (computer assisted from original) was modified from, “A Day in the Life of Michelle,” mixed media, July 2010.

The art was inspired in Art Therapy recently at Premiere Oncology in Santa Monica, California.

DNA Testing

2010-08-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

A Moment in the Life of Michelle

As my guiding spirit and I address the topic of genetic testing, a wave of calmness bathes not only my body and mind, but my essence as well.

Take a deep breath………..Exhale…………….

We are both exploring the topic of DNA testing, first my spirit with innate knowledge, guidance, and support, and myself as I begin this exploration with strength and curiosity.

The first results of my family history, genealogy DNA test came to me, not by the Texas company that received my cheek sample in early June, but from Derek in Australia via an e-mail yesterday. He wrote that it appeared “we have a 5^th cousin match on chromosome 19 with Family Finder” and would I send him more information on my family genealogy.

How could this be? I asked myself as I began my investigation into not only the reference to the DNA test results, but to Derek’s specific question.

In response to my disbelief, this morning’s second e-mail from Derek included a copy from his results that includes my name. Hopefully, within a few days I will receive official notification about my genealogy DNA as it relates to people and places throughout the world.

The other arm of my DNA testing was revealed three hours ago when I received documentation from my new oncologist that I was BRCA2 positive as determined by a Utah company. That means I’m a carrier of a mutated gene that makes me more vulnerable (at higher risk) for ovarian and breast cancer. Or to put it another way, two of my three diagnosed cancers (ovarian, aka, primary peritoneal and breast) are a result of genes I inherited.

What else does this positive result mean? I will find out in time. But, I know I will be guided in this medical DNA search with my guiding spirit, doctors, and curiosity.

Take a deep breath………..Exhale…………….

NOTE:

This writing was inspired in Writers Workshop this week at The Wellness Community in Santa Monica.

The art was inspired in Art Therapy last week at Premiere Oncology, also in Santa Monica, California. This piece, “A Moment in the Life of Michelle” was modified from, “A Day in the Life of Michelle,” mixed media, July 2010.

In transition

2010-07-24T09:38:00.000-07:00

Day in the Life of Michelle

Major Change in Cancer Treatment--

Three weeks ago an emergency PET/CT scan and tumor marker blood test revealed that chemo was not working and I was sent to another doctor for possible participation in a clinical trial. Two weeks of lab work, physical exam, review of previous treatment reports, and three MRIs resulted in acceptance in a clinical trial of twice monthly infusion of two drugs, Avastin and mystery drug.

Am I glad I qualified to be in the clinical trial? Yes, because I have new options. You might recall that during the past two years my previous oncologist took me through five different chemotherapy drugs for the cancer in my pelvic region. Three of the drugs successfully attacked the cancer, but as is the case with my particular cancer, the cancer 'smartens up' and the chemo becomes useless.

The 'best part' about being at my new medical facility for the clinical trial is that I live ten blocks from the clinic. The other 'best thing' is the place I'm going for the (four, going on five) MRIs is at an imaging center just a few miles from my home. Compare that to the forty minute drive, from door to door of my previous and wonderful doctor, and 'I'm a happy camper!'

My arms are providing the blood for analysis, sometimes ten vials at a time, and my blood vessels are the highways for medical contrasts and clinical trial drugs, however, the injured tissues from multiple poking on both arms are sensitive. Today my arms are healing through the color range of red, green, and purple.

The technicians say, "You have great veins, now just relax."

Yeah, right! I think. Just poke me in the right spot and then I won't tighten up!

The next few months looks like this:

Next week, blood draw and the following week receive the second infusion of drugs in the left arm while my right arm is used for multiple blood draws. I'm given multiple EKGs and my vitals are checked (heart rate, blood pressure and pulse) every 15 minutes

The following week: MRI with contrast and return to clinic for blood draw, aka "Safety labs"

This completes Cycle 1, about one month in length

Mid August begin Cycle 2 with "Safety labs" (multiple blood draws, urinalysis ), EKGs, check of vitals every 15 minutes during the infusion process of the two bags of liquid drugs.

The following week, "Safety labs"

Next week, drug infusion, and of course, Safety labs, EKGs, and check of vitals every 15 minutes during the infusion process

The following week, "Safety labs"

PET/CT scan in September

Begin Cycle 3, if everything is going as planned.

Are there side effects?

Yes!

Possibly! and

No!

This topic will be explored in the future

"Day in the Life of Michelle"

mixed media

about 11 x 14 "

July 2010

Premiere Oncology Foundation Art Therapy workshop

On a good morning, I can see ...

2010-07-15T06:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had my second meeting with my new oncologist. WE (my two loving supporters) really helped me feel taller, bigger, and stronger as I'm facing the multiple options and then ranking the best treatment plans or clinical trials. They both took notes and one, a cancer survivor, assisted in asking questions. While the doctor was out of the office we had a chance to review facts and perceptions. And then, reading the notes last night helped me to feel even more knowledgable.

While the oncologist and I will speak today with the results of his afternoon meeting with his colleagues on my case, I'm feeling pretty confident in my abilities to review, question, and decide the best course of action.

Oh, did I tell you there are other professional and personal contacts who are helping me through this process?

YESSS, Sir REEE!

Untitled,

Acrylic on wood, 2009

Currently on display at Premiere Oncology, Santa Monica, CA

"I need my chemo"

2010-07-12T08:10:00.000-07:00

For the women readers, you might be able to relate to this: Even though I have NOT had a period in about twenty years, my tummy area feels like the first couple of days of the cycle. General pain, cramps--sometimes very sharp, and severe fatigue. But his time we can -- Blame it on the cancer!

My new oncologist and I will discuss and plan my next course of treatment this week. Heck, does it matter, what will be worst? Continued uncontrolled cancer in my torso, OR the loss of hair, neurophy and/hand foot syndrome, nausea, eating disorders, and IVs/or some other way to get the chemo into my body!

In any event, I will be graced with the presence of my family, friends, support groups and therapists, professional medical teams, medical plans, and that which can not be put into words.

Now What?

2010-07-08T08:45:00.000-07:00

As an update of the last week or so, the fluid (ascites, a by product of uncontrolled cancer) in my torso has been increasing for at least the past week. Since I experienced this a year ago and ended up with a 4-day hospital stay, I suspected that the chemo I began at the beginning of June was NOT working.

On Monday, July 5, a holiday, I decided I would start my preparation for a CT-PET scan (limited food and drink procedure) on Tuesday, and prepare to show-up at my oncologist's office early Tuesday morning, all in order to get this checked out, without having to be admitted to the hospital.

I was very lucky because someone cancelled her scan and I was scanned by 1pm! !!!!! My oncologist had the report by Wednesday am and I was in his office by 1:10, ten minutes early !!!

Since I have been on five different chemos over the past two years, two of which did not work, he was sending me to Premiere Oncology, a place I go for weekly art therapy sessions. He said there may be some clinical trials that maybe effective.

My oncologist wanted to be notified who my new doctor would be so the two of them could have a discussion about my case and to whom he would fax my records. From the oncologist office I attempted to make an appointment with the best doctor who was doing ovarian cancer clinical trials. The time: 1:30. After 15 minutes of being on hold because the scheduler at Premiere was busy, I was told P..., would call me back. As I was leaving my dear oncologist office, the doctor who has help me to stay alive since 2004, he was faxing my records to the head doctor at Premiere Oncology.

As I drove home, there was NO return call from P... . I have run into that issue of not receiving a call-back in a timely fashion in the past with my GP so, then as well as yesterday, I decided to JUST show up! Did I tell you that Premiere Oncology is ten blocks from my home!

By 5 o'clock, the two doctors had spoken, the 19-page fax of my most important medical history was in the new doctor's hands, my vitals were taken by a nurse I know, and my new doctor, someone I had previously met on several other occasions, had completed the comprehensive, intake examination. The 'Ball is rolling.'

By this Thursday morning I will have an appointment to get the excess fluid withdrawn from my torso ASAP. It feels like there is at least a gallon of fluid filling my torso and pressing on my organs.

p.s. While my new doctor was examining me my phone silently went off at 4:30--I later checked it and it was P... returning my call. "Please call back to make an appointment" (Little did she know, I created my own appointment by being "Patient Active," an important concept from The Wellness Community, an international and local support program for cancer survivors and family.

Image: Detail of a custom made bed spread from Bali

"What's up?"...the sky

2010-06-27T08:03:00.000-07:00

On a Good Day

Since my last blog in early June I completed my first month of "Chemo #5," Topotecan. It went like this; I was given an I.V. once a week for three weeks, and then one week of no drug, no visit to the doctor. Tomorrow I will return to the oncologist's office for the usual blood draw to check the white and red blood counts, among other blood components.

Most likely I will begin my second month of "Chemo #5" when I visit the doctor in the morning with my 'chemo buddies.' There has been no hair loss with this chemo and some fatigue, however my hands are dry and sensitive. Good ole 'hand and foot syndrome' has returned.

My life has been filled with researching known and unknown relatives and ancestors, truly an exciting activity. I feel like I'm the family historian and private investigator with only limited time to research, coordinate, and publish my discoveries. The one-page profiles and one-page individual timelines are being created, documents and photographs are being collected and scanned, in addition to creating my first YouTube movie. WOW!

Check it out: www.YouTube.com

Search with either my name, Michelle Leddel or my mother's name/name of the movie, "Miss Judy Jeannette."

So far, so good

2010-06-04T21:02:00.000-07:00

Since my family had an extra 'firesuit' I was allowed to go into the 'hot pit' of the famous American Le Mans Series Monterey at Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca in Monterey, California, last month. The 'hot' in the 'hot pit' means a race is taking place and special rules and precautions must be followed.

My nephew was one of the three drivers for the six-hour race and I really had fun 'hanging out' not only here in the 'hot pit' but in the bleachers as well. Notice the four tires I'm standing next to. Right! They are big and heavy and cost big bucks!

Cancer? It was so nice to be away from the cancer world while I was at the raceway. But now that I'm home, I'm back on my chemo therapy medication of I.V. Topotecan. I had some fatigue after my first treatment four days ago, but that was about all. Well, 'something' continues to go on with my hands and feet. In three days I will return to the doctor's office for the second of three once-a-week treatments this month.

After one week of no 'JoyJuice' (my term for I.V. chemotherapy), I will return to the same schedule of "three weeks on and one week off."

Weekly art therapy, writing group, and group therapy meetings for cancer survivors continues to bring me support, inspiration, and compassionate and meaningful experiences.

In addition to all that, my continuing genealogy research is now being transformed into individual timelines, one-page personal profiles with facts and photographs, and even a movie on YouTube honoring my mother. Search terms: Miss Judy Jeannette, Michelle Leddel

Get Set, Ready, Go! Chemo #5 begins tomorrow

2010-05-31T22:01:00.000-07:00

Today, remembering...

Memorial Day 2010

Soon, a new chapter

2010-05-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday of this week, I had a PET-CT scan to follow-up on the previous scan of six months ago. You might recall that I have been taking Hexalen® chemotherapy capsules for 14 days and then no capsules for 14 days during the past six months. I called these my "ChemoCaps." By the way, this was my fourth kind of chemotherapy during the past two years.

Another reason I had this scan was because my oncologist had seen an increase in my CA-125 tumor marker numbers during the past month or so. (Note: going up is bad, going down is good)

In a few hours I will be in the doctor's office to discuss my/our new treatment plan. Along with me will be one of my dear friends. She will take notes, ask additional questions I might not have asked, and then we will get something to eat.

After dinner I will go to my weekly, Thursday night cancer support group. I'll tell you, on Tuesday after the scan, I headed over to my regular, art therapy cancer support group; I was feeling emotionally vulnerable and fragile. Again, one of the best places to be--in a support group!

P.S., If you can schedule your scans/tests early in the week, in some cases, you may get your results before the weekend. Waiting can be hard ... on everyone.

"Hello Michelle, this is Dr._ calling..."

2010-05-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

At the Farmers Market

March 2010

It is hard not to be alarmed when my oncologist called. He never calls unless I have left a message for him. He just called.

It is Friday morning and I'm planning a little trip.

"I'm concerned that your CA-125 is rising," he began.

Since I was in for a check-up two days ago and blood was drawn, he was concerned with the results that just came in. When I saw him on Wednesday, the plan was to begin taking the 6th month of my ChemoCaps (8 Hexalen capsules a day for 14 days). Up until last month the medicine was bringing down the CA-125 tumor marker.

As a result of this decrease, I have been feeling pretty healthy and confident.

But on Wednesday, when I asked what April's CA-125 was, he reported, "65." I knew it was up from the previous months, but I quickly responded, "Oh, a hiccup!" (I'm thinking, the number just went up and then it will drop--right! But it didn't drop THIS month either.

Two days ago the plan was to have a PET scan in a few months, depending on the results of my monthly blood draw. STOP THE PRESS!

My doctor of six years is calling in for an immediate insurance approval for a PET scan, asap.

"But Doctor, I'm planning on taking a little trip, can I still go?"

"Sure, Go and have a good time!"

We both chuckled--the quality life of a person with cancer is so often determined by the results of the monthly, or regularly scheduled scan and lab work.

Right, sure,

celebrate! With this hanging over my head...

OkOkay,

Think the big picture:

He is catching this early,

There are more chemotherapy medicines to help extend my life, as he is treating me,

But, why did I throw-up two days ago? This has happened twice in the past two years of chemo.

What's that ache in my hip?

What will the new chemo be like?

But he is catching it early, or is he?

Ovarian-type cancer has a mind of its own...

...Go and have a good time...

Miss Judy Jeannette

2010-05-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

WOW! Life is good, until... That's enough. Living is GOOD

2010-04-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

Here's to Life

I'm off my ChemoCaps for a week or so more. but who's counting. I'm beginning to travel again, and interviewing family for my exciting genealogy research.

Have not needed to see a doctor in "X" weeks (not days). My hair is almost back to the right length! And my income tax refund is in my bank account. What else can a girl want?!!

p.s.,

Gotta thank David for the hair styling, make-up, and photograph, And my 'newly discovered distant cousin' for my late, great aunt's jewelry.

Hexalen®, restart days: finished the meds, 4th month

2010-03-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

Today

I finished my meds for this month

Celebrate

Hexalen®, restart days 5-12, 4th month

2010-03-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

Oh, My Aching Leg, 2010

Mixed media, abt 12 x 12 inches

Opening day reception of "Cancer and Creativity" is March 23rd

at Premiere Oncology Foundation

in Santa Monica, California

The exhibition will include work of nearly 30 people

and

this is one of my contributions

As I write today

I have two more days of my 14-day prescription of

Hexalen® chemotherapy capsules

The biggest issue has been the changes in my right leg

Oh, my aching leg

hexalen®, restart day 4, 4th month

2010-03-11T22:10:00.000-08:00

6 Capsules a Day, detail

Four month ago in art therapy class,

I created this

I had never been on oral chemotherapy drugs

and the issue was on my mind

In twelve days

this piece will be on display at

Premiere Oncology in Santa Monica

Currently the eight capsules a day

are a non-issue

This make me very happy,

especially since the meds are

bringing down my tumor marker

hexalen®, restart day 2, 4th month

2010-03-09T01:40:00.000-08:00

It's Official!

I'm back on my famous meds--

My ChemoCaps

The week delay in taking the eight capsules a day

has resulted in a normal white blood count

Also my tumor marker, the CA-125 continues to drop

as a result of the oral Hexalen® chemotherapy meds!

As of this afternoon,

the two happiest people are my oncologist

and

yours truly

Hexalen®, days 7 & 8, 4th month

2010-03-07T17:55:00.000-08:00

Did I tell you just how wonderful

it feels

to be free from the 4-hour reminders

to take

my ChemoCaps...

This extended week of NO meds*

really opened up the excitement of

discovering relatives, both living and deceased

With the help of Ancestry.com

and

the inspiration from two genealogy programs on national television,

as of this week

I'm now in contact with two people who

are distant cousins on my father's side of the family tree

Gotta also say,

If it weren't for other "new" family members interest in genealogy

I would feel like I'm out on a limb by myself

* My blood count was too low last Monday so my oncologist told me to return in a week for another blood test--that's tomorrow. If my numbers are UP then I will begin swallowing my two weeks of cancer killing capsules

Hexalen®, days 5 & 6, 4th month

2010-03-05T23:13:00.000-08:00

My grandmother Josephine Petra J.

probably around 1920 when she was in her early 20's

I wore the same necklace when I was married

nearly 70 years later

note: Since day 2 of this 4th month, my oncologist directed me to delay taking my ChemoCaps until my blood counts are improved. In three days I will return for another blood test.

Hexalen®, days 3 & 4, 4th month

2010-03-03T11:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, after my MRI, the 16-block walk to the Pacific Ocean was just the thing to do: beautiful weather and healthy exercise.

But on my return, first via the bus and then a brief two block walk to my car, I tripped. OMG, I was just one block from my car!

Two people rushed over to me as we all watched myself slowly move through space and come to an abrupt stop on the cement.

The worst part of this is that the scraped and bloody knee belongs to my lymphedema leg.

Hexalen®, day 2, 4th month

2010-03-01T21:14:00.000-08:00

Today:

1. Take two ChemoCaps with light breakfast

2. Opps, nauseous. This is the first time with these meds. Take anti-nausea pill

3. Back to bed to rest

4. Physical therapy on leg followed by photo of ChemoCaps in therapy room

5. Back home to take a nap due to side effects of drug

6. Lunch: gotta be careful. No problem with 1/4 sandwich

7. Swallow two more ChemoCaps

8. Drive to see oncologist: 30 minutes from door to door

9. Blood draw

10. Chat with doctor

11. CA-125 tumor marker is down! On January 5th it was 510 and a month later CA-125 was 53! Truly exciting results!

12. Stop taking ChemoCaps because white blood count is too low

13. Return to doctor's office in a week for another blood check

14. Pick up a few items at the market

15. Take nap #2 because of the fatigue from the ChemoCaps

16. Go on the Internet, read emails, and check Facebook

17. Review genealogy materials from cousin. WOW! Here is a picture of my grandmother when she graduated from high(?) school

18. Create a Food Network inspired dinner. YUMMM

19. Telephone conversations with friend and cousin

20. Create entry for blog

21. Stretch

22. Clean up

23. Go to bed and remember, no eating or drinking in the morning: MRI check-in at 7:55am

Oh well, maybe tomorrow I'll have time to work on my art projects. Opening Reception of Art Exhibit is in three weeks at Premiere Oncology.

Hexalen®, day 1, 4th month

2010-02-28T20:41:00.000-08:00

Presenting...

the fourth month supply of my cancer-killing meds

This photograph is the before

...Before I started swallowing them

two at a time, four times a day

During the next two weeks we will...

Go on walks

'hang around'

seek adventure

and take my medicine

I'm looking forward to your companionship

Bye for now

Okay, Where is the water?

14 Days off: #13 & 14

2010-02-27T22:26:00.001-08:00

Today ends my 14 days of no medication!

I have enjoyed this month because

I seem to be coping with the side effects better

than the two earlier months of Hexalen®

chemeotherapy capsules

Tomorrow is day #1 of 14 days of taking my medication

It is hard to believe but it is true

I have 112 capsules,

each costing about $10,

that are designed to keep the cancer in my abdominal

under control

14 Days off: #11 & 12

2010-02-25T17:43:00.000-08:00

Introducing Michelle Niña J.,

I think I was younger than 10 and was getting ready to perform in our elementary school Christmas program.

For the people who have known me some time, they will agree I love to dance

p.s. In three more days I will begin my fourth month of my Hexalen® chemotherapy capsules, aka, 'my ChemoCaps.' Fatigue will slow me down as well as an increase of sore body parts...but for today, I'm dancing ! ! ! ! !! !! ! ! ! ! ! !

14 Days off: #10

2010-02-23T09:46:00.000-08:00

Introducing...

My great grandfather, Joseph Hugh Jeannette

1871 - 1928

Company C

U.S. Volunteer Infantry

Spanish American War

My genealogy research resulted in finding this ...three miles from where I live!

As a child all I knew was: "Joe Jeannette was born in Ireland and he was father of my grandfather, Stanley."

During the past few years, with the help of Susan, sister of my sister-in-law, I also learned about his Irish born family, his military experiences with Canadian and U.S. governments, his marriage, his son's life and early death from T.B., and Joseph's final years just 15 miles from where I'm living.

Why put all this time into learning about my ancestors? It feels good and I feel like I'm filling in the childhood family history voids. I also feel this is a gift I'm giving to my siblings and our younger generations.

P.S. The staff and volunteers at the Los Angeles Regional Family History Center behind The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has also been a valuable source of inspiration, guidance, and resources.

The photograph was taken at The Los Angeles National Cemetery

14 Days off: #9

2010-02-22T12:18:00.000-08:00

Searching family history, (aka, genealogy) is like going back to school for a master's degree (research, research)!

Here I am as a child, living the happy life.

It was probably 1946, I had one older brother and a baby brother. Three other siblings had not yet been born.

World War II had ended when I was about one year old with the dropping of the atomic bombs in Japan, August 1945.

When my older brother was born in February 1942, black fabric covered the windows in the Los Angeles area Queen of Angels Hospital, but that was not the case in 1946 when my baby brother was born. The U.S. was not at war in 1946. Why the black fabric? So enemy planes could not see the buildings.

In 1945 President Harry Truman was in his first year in office, after the sudden death of President Franklin D. Roosevelt. I'm not sure we had a T.V. at this time.

And now back to the black and white photograph. The wooden bird pin on my blouse was carved by one of the men in the Los Angeles County Rehabilitation Workshop my father managed. The photograph was taken and processed by my father who was also a professional photographer.

Have you considered writing your family history?

p.s. Next week I will resume taking my chemotherapy capsules, aka, ChemoCaps, as scheduled.

14 Days off: #7 and 8

2010-02-21T17:55:00.000-08:00

Before cancers #2 and #3 were diagnosed in 2008

I was passionately involved in genealogy

Discovering the lives of previously unknown relatives

learning about when and where they lived

Searching for marriage, birth, and death details

and uncovering reasons for divorce

Digging out 80-year old photographs and

planning trips to ancestors' home towns

All of this was 'put on the back burner'

until recently

I'm feeling good and hopeful that I can start planning

those trips to the plains of Kansas

the cemeteries in Denver, El Paso, and Vaughn

the libraries in Salt Lake and Lawrence

and,

the most thrilling adventure of all

meet the cousins I never knew existed

photo: this writer as a child

14 Days off: #6

2010-02-19T08:16:00.001-08:00

Another image from our walk

Can't write very much because 'I'm on hold'

I go through the 'hoops' to get scheduled

for an MRI

Oh my Oh my...

14 Days off: #5

2010-02-18T07:35:00.001-08:00

Me 'n my meds

have found some pretty interesting spaces to be

We have stopped to smell the roses

Looked at the ocean blue

Sat next to a design or two

and now

Spend this moment with you

14 Days off: #4

2010-02-17T17:20:00.001-08:00

For readers who are digging out of inches of snow

there really are places that don't have it

Notice the Santa Monica Pier,

the waves breaking on the sand (top left)

and,

of course,

my empty bottle of Hexalen chemotherapy meds

(my third month)

14 Days off: #3

2010-02-16T07:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to my local Apple Store for a three-hour workshop called Personal Projects.

I took my flash drive with my genealogy projects, such as individual timelines, one page profiles, and calendar of relatives birth and death dates.

The Apple trainer provided assistance as needed and it was really great because there were only four of us, each working on our own projects. I have had four of these Personal Project sessions and the trainers are helping me set up and use the particular Apple programs that best suits my needs.

Now that I'm "off meds," that is, I'm on my 14-days of no ChemoCaps, life has a different twist--I'm NOT monitoring my waking hours in relation to the next dose of Hexalen capsules. Swallowing 112 chemotherapy capsules within 14-days must be done in a thoughtful and organized manner.

I'M FREE, for 11 more days!

14 Days off: #2

2010-02-15T21:27:00.000-08:00

Today's

Presidents' Day Holiday

and

beautiful weather

brought out the

travelers

flowers

and

my empty ChemoCaps container

14 Days off: #1

2010-02-14T20:55:00.000-08:00

We were

'checking out each other'

during my walk on the

Santa Monica Pier

Notice the drops of water

on this resting pelican bird

If you drove west on Route 66

this is where your journey would end

I'm doing well

Hexalen®, day 14, 3rd month

2010-02-13T20:47:00.000-08:00

Today I finished taking my

112 ChemoCaps*

-14 days of 8 capsules per day-

Tomorrow will be the first of 14 days

-no oral chemotherapy-

Who knows,

maybe I'll feel like I'm

cancer free...

at least for two weeks

* my term for oral chemotherapy capsules

Hexalen®, day 13, 3rd month

2010-02-12T19:18:00.001-08:00

Every afternoon I take a nap in my hammock

I systematically relax areas of my body

I exhale tightness

Then

visualize

gold healing energy

throughout my body

Part three of three

hand painted paper to be used in a collage

mixed media

February 2010

Hexalen®, days 11 & 12, 3rd month

2010-02-11T17:33:00.000-08:00

The Chinese Year Year

and

Valentine's Day

are

near

Celebrate Life

Hexalen®, day 10, 3rd month

2010-02-09T22:22:00.000-08:00

Thanks for stopping by

Friends

and

Family

are

Important

Hexalen®, day 9, 3rd month

2010-02-08T20:45:00.001-08:00

Gold has been the healing energy for me during the past two years

as I relaxed and napped in my hammock

on a daily basis, sometimes two or three times a day

Tomorrow in art therapy I will be asked to use the

three hand-painted sheets of paper

to create a collage

bye for now

Part of three of three

hand painted paper to be used in a collage

mixed media

February 2010

Hexalen®, day 8, 3rd month

2010-02-07T19:58:00.001-08:00

Today no rain, just a bright winter sun

Billowy clouds

followed by sunset, beautiful as always

One more week of medication before I begin

the 14 days of no drugs

Just say "Yes!" to drugs!

Part of two of three

hand painted paper to be used in a collage

mixed media

February 2010

Hexalen®, day 7, 3rd month

2010-02-06T15:52:00.000-08:00

We have had rain and now the bright winter sun is shining

Billowy white and gray clouds

dot the afternoon sky

Time to take dose three of ChemoCaps,

bye for now

Part of one of three

hand painted paper to be used in a collage

mixed media

February 2010

Hexalen®, day 6, 3rd month

2010-02-06T15:40:00.000-08:00

Sculpture by

Gilda Schwartz

with

Two Hexalen® capsules

taken four times a day

Sculpture, 2 of 4

about 1998

approx 7 x 7 inches

Ms. Schwartz's art was previously

featured on December 16, 18, 2009

Hexalen®, day 5, 3rd month

2010-02-04T16:33:00.000-08:00

I'm nursing a cold today

Hexalen®, day 4, 3rd month

2010-02-03T20:54:00.000-08:00

Another beautiful view of my

daily medicine-

My ChemoCaps!

p.s., Today, after Writers Workshop, seven of us decided to go out for dinner. We had such a good time, kinda like a dinner party, and realized we want to do this on a regular basis.

Hexalen®, day 3, 3rd month

2010-02-02T20:14:00.000-08:00

Say, "Hello ChemoCaps"

"Hello, and I'm glad you are visiting our blog. Michelle is creating these daily postings so you will have a better understanding of what she is doing these days.

Yesterday she visited the oncologist who is treating her for the peritoneal carcinoma.* He again identified the return of the redness in her hands and feet as Hand and Foot Syndrome. The other side effect that was discussed was the return of increased fatigue.

Blood was drawn, as usual, and it seemed pretty normal, considering the chemotherapy medicine that is going through her body.

Oh, what about the CT scan, you ask? It will probably be done in March or April.

Thanks for stopping by, and come again.

*Did you know she has two oncologist? The other one is the sarcoma specialist who is monitoring that area on her thigh where the sarcoma tumor was removed. This is also the doctor to ordered the physical therapy to improve the strength in her leg--the hamstring muscles were damaged by radiation to the upper leg.

Hexalen®, day 2, 3rd month

2010-02-01T08:32:00.000-08:00

This is it!

Hexalen®, day 1, 3rd month

2010-01-31T21:31:00.000-08:00

112 ChemoCaps

As I took my first two capsules for this third month

I heard a voice inside my head say,

"Time for a party!"

That is such a change from the first month when I

questioned and feared the many stated side effects

True,

the Internet has plenty of information on this topic

but,

side effects are often unique to the individual

So today, I opened myself up to 14 days of

celebrations,

events,

parties, and

swallowing 112 capsules

It turned out that today my grandchildren,

their other grandmother,

and I spent the afternoon at the Getty Center.

We ate,

drew,

walked/ran & sat,

listened to the water,

looked at fossils in the rocks,

and had a wonderful time.

Yes, today was a celebration!

I will look for fun events in each day,

even if I create them!

14 Days off: #14

2010-01-30T11:22:00.000-08:00

Still life: The flowers of life

2010

14 Days off: #13

2010-01-29T20:42:00.000-08:00

We return to this location in Santa Monica

now with three empty containers,

once filled with chemotherapy drugs

In the containers were nearly 200 capsules

that my body used since

December 6th

In two days I will begin my third month

of swallowing eight Hexalen® capsules a day

for the expressed purpose of controlling the

cancer in my abdominal/pelvic area

If the medicine gets rid of all the cancer,

that's even better!

Sometime in the near future

I will have a CT scan to determine the effectiveness

of the medicine, aka,

My ChemoCaps

ChemoCaps: my unique term

for chemotherapy capsules

Previous entry at this location:

Dec 14, 2009

"Hexalen® day 9, #28"

14 Days off: #12

2010-01-28T11:24:00.000-08:00

For many travelers

Santa Monica is a destination

and,

for so many of us

we photograph

After a few minutes

the men got back into the white van and

left this View of the Pacific Ocean

Update on my new order of chemotherapy capsules (aka, ChemoCaps):

I finally have them in hand, six days after my first call to refill the prescription.

As you will see in a few days, my ChemoCaps are in a different shaped container, instead of a generic pill container. I suspect, the new container came directly from the Hexalen® laboratory distributor.

The label is preprinted with the contents of 100, but since I'll be taking 112 ChemoCaps it appears that my local pharmacy added the additional 12 capsules. They come right to the very top!

You don't see that very often--remember the wad of cotton in some pill containers?

14 Days off: #11

2010-01-27T12:04:00.000-08:00

Today we went for a walk...

14 Days off: #10

2010-01-26T21:17:00.000-08:00

You have probably heard the term,

"Think outside the box"

Consider this one:

The fish is swimming in a school of empty medicine containers

p.s., Today is Tuesday. Last Friday I called the pharmacy to refill my prescription for the third month of Hexalen® chemotherapy capsules (my ChemoCaps). Well, just maybe, hopefully, the CVS pharmacy (at Santa Monica and 26th) will be able to fill my order.

Good thing I started this process early!

I'm scheduled to begin my 14 days of 8 ChemoCaps a day on Sunday.

I feeling pretty good! Thanks

14 Days off: #9

2010-01-25T18:39:00.001-08:00

Twice a week a physical therapist works on my right leg. The sarcoma tumor that was removed from my thigh started a chain reaction: limping, hard and tightened hamstring muscles, pain in my patella, lymphedema in the thigh, MRI, physical therapy, and specific home exercises.

Currently, I also see a lymphedema specialist once every two weeks for specific treatment due to the daily swelling.

And it all started with the discovery of a lump below the skin.

14 Days off: #8

2010-01-24T21:29:00.000-08:00

Today we were at our local Apple Store for their ongoing, three hour Personal Project workshop. For several weeks the Apple team has provided excellent assistance as I have been creating individual family timelines, and easy to read, one page, personal profiles with graphics.

I have never used the Pages application on my iMac so the extended period of time is a great way to work on a project and get questions answered. There is one trainer for a maximum of six people. Actually, today there were only three other people at the table.

As a result of the hours and hours of research, a few old photographs, and the training from the Apple guys I have good looking timelines on my great uncle, great aunts, grandmother, and great grandfather. Once I email these out, my siblings and other family members will gain a deeper appreciation for my mother's family, the people we never met.

Oh, I have one more week before I begin swallowing my next round of ChemoCaps. It sure is nice to have a life revolve around my passions and not around the medicine taking schedule. In a week I will begin the process of swallowing 112 capsules in 14 days, 8 a day.

14 Days off: #7

2010-01-23T20:25:00.001-08:00

Between watching my grandson and the other

6, 7, & 8 year old guys play basketball

and

Designing and creating family timelines

have had a wonderful day

Forgive me for not including my

three empty ChemoCap containers

in the photograph

They will return

14 Days off: #6

2010-01-22T20:29:00.000-08:00

About two years ago, while researching my family history, I uncovered information about the small English colony in Wakefield, Kansas where my great aunt Alice Maude Young was born in 1885. I learned that my great grandfather was rector between 1881-1884 in tiny St. John's on the Prairie, the first Episcopal Church of Clay County. And then it was overwhelming to read a 1893 newspaper announcement, with the headline, "Rev J. H. Young is Dead."*

As a result of this quest for my roots, quaint Wakefield, Kansas was put on my list of places to visit: tour the historical museum, cemetery, and plots of land where family members lived and died.

However, my genealogy research slowed down and came to a halt when biopsies, multiple cancer surgeries, 30 radiation treatments, numerous chemotherapy infusions, physical therapy treatments 2-3 times a week, fatigue, and all the other side effects took over my life.

Current oral chemo therapy and my physical and mental state of mind have brought me to the point where I can now sort through these materials and share them with newly discovered distant cousins and immediate family members. We all have information that is exciting to share.

Today, I was making copies of the 1880 U.S. Census, the church records of the baptism of my great aunt and my cousins' great uncle, D'Arcy Teasdale Buckell, and other information about 'The Little Church on the Prairie.'*

This photograph shows the materials that were being copied. By the end of the day, 15 pages were sent to my four new cousins in Washington state. I'm so thrilled, because until recently, I didn't think I had any cousins!

* Sincere thanks to K. Geist at the

tiny Wakefield Historical Museum

for her help.

14 Days off: #5

2010-01-21T16:30:00.000-08:00

Our return to the Santa Monica Pier,

now with three empty

oral chemotherapy containers,

seemed like a good location

to sit for this photo

Celebrate!

Forrest Gump: That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run. So I ran to the end of the road. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd run to the end of town. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd just run across Greenbow County. And I figured, since I run this far, maybe I'd just run across the great state of Alabama. And that's what I did. I ran clear across Alabama. For no particular reason I just kept on going. I ran clear to the ocean. And when I got there, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well turn around, just keep on going. When I got to another ocean, I figured, since I'd gone this far, I might as well just turn back, keep right on going.

Source:

http://www.great-quotes.com/cgi-bin/viewquotes.cgi?action=search&Movie=Forrest+Gump

See earlier blogs on -

Forrest Gump: 11/26/09, and

Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.: 11/26/09

14 Days off: #4

2010-01-20T18:07:00.000-08:00

For a brief moment

there was no rain today,

day four of six

We love the rain,

and I'm sure

the plants love the rain

14 Days off: #3

2010-01-19T18:20:00.000-08:00

"Family Patchwork"

with empty ChemoCaps containers

During the past few weeks I have returned to my genealogy research, picking up where I left off over a year ago. (Cancer treatment seemed to take all my energy then.)

While researching family history is absorbing it is fun to be a detective. As a result, I have met new cousins and they have helped me learn more about my family.

So far, the biggest surprise was to learn that my grandmother lived 50 years longer than we were told. Why? I think it was because she was declared mentally insane in the 1920's and confined to facilities for 50 years. So instead of my grandmother dying when my mother was a child, my grandmother died at the age of 88!

Today's photograph of "Family Patchwork" is an art piece I created to use in my genealogy multimedia presentations. Since I have a large immediate family, nieces, nephews, and new cousins, a have a built-in audience for my new discoveries.

Michelle Leddel

Mixed media

approx 12 x 12 inches

January 2010

Created while in 'Cancer and Creativity Art Therapy Workshop'

Presented by Premiere Oncology Foundation and Beckstrand Cancer Foundation

Instructor: Esther Dreifuss-Kattan, PhD, ATR

14 Days off: #2

2010-01-18T12:08:00.001-08:00

Day two

of predicted five days of rain

I'm into collecting rain water

in the empty ChemoCaps

container

While I was setting up the photo shoot

a soft breeze knocked one over

so I need to work out

other water collecting jobs

for these three

Oh,

the buckets and pots are elsewhere

collecting the much-needed rain

P.S., Does radiation treatment

damage muscles, as in shortening

hamstrings?

14 Days off: #1

2010-01-17T09:36:00.000-08:00

As I celebrate two months of taking

my ChemoCaps

I find all sorts of places to

put my

empty containers

As I look out my window

these flowers show their blooming power

Just as the chemo therapy drugs

exert their power

Finally, as you read today's blog

may we share in the

common bond for a loving,

compassionate, and

healthy

society

P.S., Thank you Robin for putting

the plant outside my front window

Hexalen®, day 14, 2nd month

2010-01-16T20:59:00.001-08:00

Celebration!

We went for a walk

and found

another Pacific Ocean Sunset

seemed like a fantastic photo-op for

all three,

now empty

medicine containers.

I now begin my 14 days of no medicine...

P.S.,

I hope you enjoyed the adventures of

my 196 ChemoCaps

Hexalen®, day 13, 2nd month

2010-01-15T16:35:00.000-08:00

Just a few more this month...

Before my life was turned up side down

with cancers #2 and #3

I was researching my family's history

and

found new living relatives,

burial locations,

unmarked graves,

housewives,

and

heroes.

This week I have picked up the project again

Hexalen®, day 12, 2nd month

2010-01-14T09:46:00.000-08:00

“Don’t Suffer in Silence”

Around two in the morning I realized I was thinking about the pain in my right hamstring muscles, and having a chat with my radiologist. I wanted him to see the damaged muscles and really find out if the 30 radiation treatments of a year ago, that burned 5/6 of my upper thigh, were really necessary.

Then I heard another voice say, “But remember, years ago limbs were amputated as a result of Sarcoma tumors.”

Oh!

Then I asked myself, how could I creatively explore the scope of this early morning wake-up call:

1. I can make another collage with photographs of legs and acrylic paint accents, as I did with “Leg Pain,” now hanging at Premiere Oncology +.

2. I can make a felt-based piece of art, similar to “The Highs and Lows of Leg Pain,” * also hanging in a Santa Monica art exhibition #.

3. WOW! I could make “Trilogy of Leg Pain,” similar to “Hair Chronicles on Canvas” ^.

4. I could also write a conversation between my legs, like I did with my two different chemotherapy drugs at the Ferris wheel in Santa Monica++. I could put it on my blog.

“Oh my, the pain in my leg is gone,” I heard myself say around 2:30 am.

In reality, this early morning writing was like going to group therapy where I allow my voice to be expressed and acknowledged.

A reminder - do not suffer in silence.

+ see Nov. 30, 2009 blog post

* see Sept. 19^, 2009 blog post

# see Nov 30, 2009 on blog post

^ see Sept. 11, 2009 blog post

++ see Nov 24, 2009 blog post

This blog entry was developed and read during "Writers Workshop" at The Wellness Community, Santa Monica, CA.

Hexalen®, day 11, 2nd month

2010-01-13T10:42:00.000-08:00

Another empty container

ChemoCaps, aka

Hexalen® chemotherapy capsules

Hexalen®, day 10, 2nd month

2010-01-12T18:08:00.000-08:00

Sunset at the Pacific Ocean

Santa Monica, California

U.S.A.

Hexalen®, day 9, 2nd month

2010-01-11T10:56:00.000-08:00

"Hope and Healing"

in part

with daily dose of Hexalen®

Fatigue and skin problems

continues to let me know there is

cancer-killing medicine in the

little

white

capsules

"Hope and Healing"

acrylics on canvas

16 x 20

Created while in 'Cancer and Creativity Art Therapy Workshop'

Presented by Premiere Oncology Foundation and Beckstrand Cancer Foundation

Instructor: Esther Dreifuss-Kattan, PhD, ATR

Hexalen®, day 8, 2nd month

2010-01-10T11:26:00.000-08:00

A Little Sweetness Goes a Long Way

My six year old grandson made sweets at a

recent play date with his buddies

Since he is a vanilla kid, and not chocolate kid like me

Let's enjoy them!

Opps,

Can't forget to take my medicine

Hexalen®, day 7.5, 2nd month

2010-01-09T09:30:00.000-08:00

This is a continuation of my earlier post of January 9th.

It is now 10 am on Saturday morning, where as my earlier post was created around eight hours ago. I'm not usually awake at two in the early morning and therefore, I'm never writing my blog at that time. But after tossing and turning in bed I went to my computer and found a response from Brad on yesterday's blog.

Now, on to this photograph. You will notice the medicine container is half empty, but the doesn't mean that is the balance of the monthly dosage. In four days, the pharmacy, per insurance company rules, will allow me to get the 28 additional capsules ordered by my oncologist.

If you are new to my blog, last month I was taking six capsules a day for 14 days. I tolerated the medicine well, so this month the dosage is eight ChemoCaps* a day. But, since the doctor called in the order for the additional 28 capsules after I picked up the current prescription of 84 ChemoCaps, I'll get the balance when released by the insurance company.

Well, with each capsule costing about $10, the insurance company is in the driver's seat!

* ChemoCaps: My endearing term for

Hexalen® chemotherapy capsules

Hexalen®, day 7, 2nd month

2010-01-09T01:06:00.001-08:00

Hi Brad, nice to meet you.

More later...

Hexalen®, day 6, 2nd month

2010-01-08T12:56:00.000-08:00

The process of taking my ChemoCaps*

is going well

There are no accompanying pains from taking the medicine,

just count and swallow with liquid

along with a nice meal

The development of side effects is the mystery...

How much of the body will be red, swollen, and later peel?

How much more of my hair will drop out when it is not supposed to?

Will it be difficult to swallow, again?

Will my memory go into a freeze?

How fatigued will I become?

The effectiveness of the medicine is also a mystery until

I have a CT scan in a couple of months

In the mean time,

two capsules four times a day

14 days on

14 days off

Cheers!

...now it's time to take a nap

*ChemoCaps: my term for the

chemotherapy capsules

Hexalen®, day 5, 2nd month

2010-01-07T09:07:00.000-08:00

"Going Places"

with ChemoCaps

In art therapy workshop over a year ago I

created this abstract representation of

the transition

from one year to another

Today I add my daily dose

of oral

chemotherapy

medication

Then as now

Gold is one of my healing colors

"Going Places"

December 2008

acrylic on canvas

16 x 20 inches

Created while in 'Cancer and Creativity Art Therapy Workshop'

Presented by Premiere Oncology Foundation and Beckstrand Cancer Foundation

Instructor: Esther Dreifuss-Kattan, PhD, ATR

Hexalen®, day 4, 2nd month

2010-01-06T17:23:00.000-08:00

How I'm doing...

The medication is working

inside of me

as determined by the blood work results-

Low RBC, Low HGB, Low HCT, High MCV

Three weeks ago only the RBC was Low and the MCV was high

Since you and I are not hematologists

You will just have to have faith

that my doctor knows what he is supposed to be watching

I have total confidence in him

I also feel the eight ChemoCaps are working because of the fatigue--

It is 5:30 pm and I have already had two naps

and

the palms of my hands are red

Next blood test is in 4 weeks

Hexalen®, day 3, 2nd month

2010-01-05T17:34:00.000-08:00

84 + 28 = 112 ChemoCaps

I saw the oncologist yesterday

and he increased my Hexalen® chemotherapy capsules

That means two capsules four times a day

for 14 days

And as several readers pointed out,

That's a lot of water!

Hexalen®, day 2, 2nd month

2010-01-04T12:14:00.001-08:00

Sunday, January 3, 2010, in Little Tokyo, Los Angeles, people were celebrating the New Year, the year of the Tiger.

There was dancing, muchi sweets, sake, and the 12th Annual Shikishi Exhibition in the Japanese American Cultural & Community Center. There were also activities and performances in other areas of Little Tokyo.

With the help of Corinne L. in the weekly Premiere Oncology Art Therapy workshops, I completed my Shikishi paperboard (about 12 by 12 inches) and was delighted to see it hanging in the exhibit along with the work from other classmates and community folk.

The exhibit is open through February 28, 2010. Thanks also go to Galvin Kelley at JACCC who helped make this exhibit possible.

www.jaccc.org

Hexalen®, day 1, 2nd month

2010-01-03T11:12:00.000-08:00

What a difference a month makes-

I'm calm because

I have the experience of taking this medication

Only one minor side effect last month--fatigue

I've learned how to take the capsules

8am-2pm-8pm

9am-3pm-9pm

or 7am-1pm-7pm

"Take after meals"

...but, I'm not hungry some of the time

Oh,

I'll have to work that out a little better

because I think the weight gain last month was

a result of eating dinner at 9pm

What would Forrest Gump's mama say?

Two earlier Forrest Gump

references are on

November 26, 2009

14 Days off: #14

2010-01-02T12:54:00.000-08:00

Celebration!

Today is the final day in the first month

of my oral chemotherapy

medication

Hi Five!

Did you notice I named this month

Oneuary

It has 28 days

Far Out!

The capsule dosage is on a

14 days on

and

14 days off

schedule

Cool!

That means the next month

of taking my ChemoCaps*

begins tomorrow

Drum Roll!

My new and second month is called

Twouary

* My affectionate term for

chemotherapy capsules

14 Days off: #12

2010-01-01T11:01:00.001-08:00

May your New Year's Dreams

Become realities

One day at

A time

14 Days off: #11

2009-12-31T09:15:00.000-08:00

After watching "The Young Victoria"# we

had tea and scones,

English style*

How's that for connecting the past with the present...

And since tomorrow

I will be picking up my next Hexalen®

chemotherapy prescription of 84 capsules

this blog relates to the past, present, and future

# Monica 4-Plex Theatre, 2nd street

* http://www.thetudorhouse.com/

Both in Santa Monica, California

14 Days off: #10

2009-12-30T21:39:00.001-08:00

Reign or Shine

Today was a perfect day to see a movie

because

it rained all day long

Queen Victoria informed her new husband

there were times

it rained all day long

But it was the photographing of "The Young Victoria" poster

that created interest,

especially when my empty medicine container

was put on the umbrella

Well, if "Flat Stanley"* can be taken around

the world and photographed,

rain or shine,

I can do the same with my famous,

seen throughout the world,

and now empty

ChemoCaps# container

Here's looking at you...^

* www.flatstanleyproject.com

# my endearing term for oral,

Hexalen® chemotherapy capsules

^ Casablanca (1942)

14 Days off: #9

2009-12-29T07:44:00.000-08:00

NO PARKING

TOW-AWAY

In a few days I will return to the pharmacy to fill my second month prescription of oral chemotherapy medicine. I still find it hard to picture 84 capsules that will be taken in 14 days.

But wait, the oncologist said he may increase the daily dosage when I see him on January 4th, 2010. Want to take a guess what the new total will be?

How does this note apply to the photograph?

On a recent walk, I was celebrating that I had completed my first month of swallowing 84 capsules in 14 days. The empty medicine container is on the top of the red warning bag.

My previous chemotherapy medicine was contained in a different kind of bag--a soft plastic bag that hung from a pole with liquid, cancer-killing fluid. The earlier 17 infusions of medicine into my arm also contained warnings, like, be careful not to get the fluid on the skin.

The end result of all this liquid and oral medicine has and continues to be to kill and control the cancer in my abdominal/pelvic area.

14 Days off: #8

2009-12-28T10:05:00.001-08:00

The Gift of Life

Last night I saw a guy sing about his struggles and survival

after bone cancer was diagnosed in his upper left jaw#

Life is a gift

This morning I received continuing physical therapy to allow me to walk,

something I could easily do before sarcoma cancer surgery and radiation

A healthy life is a gift

Next week I will get my blood tested to determine how chemo #4*

is attacking the cancer cells in my abdominal area

The state of our medical world is a gift

The belief that there are multiple ways to live a joyful life under

the most dire situations is the gift I celebrate each day

Life is my present

# Charlie Lustman, "Made Me Nuclear" at Santa Monica Playhouse: www.mademenuclear.com

* Hexalen® capsules

Gift bag courtesy of Dolly

14 Days off: #7

2009-12-27T11:18:00.000-08:00

Some of the nicest gifts are right in our back yard, I seem to recall from my childhood.

As children, by sister, brothers and I always lived in a house. We helped build a tree house, plus a large 'club house' that was home for my father's work room with a lathe and power tools. The 'club house' also had bunk beds for my brothers, a study area, and a pot belly wood burning stove.

Now, so many of us live in apartments and town houses that our back yards are tiny or non existent.

This morning I looked out at my balcony and found this gem of mother nature. Thanks Mom!

14 Days off: #6

2009-12-26T16:20:00.000-08:00

Cancer and Creativity

One of the M.D.s at the recent Sarcoma Cancer Conference asked me how creativity and cancer are connected, as he glanced at the handout from the Premiere Oncology and Beckstrand Cancer Foundations’ sponsored art therapy workshops.

I momentary paused at what seemed like a ‘no-brainer’ question. Since creativity has been a life time philosophy for surviving daily challenges, I took it for granted that everyone understands how creativity helps us to find solutions in our lives. So let’s step back into that conversation and delve into creativity.

I believe creativity is that inner voice that resides within each of us. We may open a window long enough to see and hear what our creative voice has to offer, and we may respond to those notes and rhythms.

We may cautiously pry loose the top of our treasure chest of hopes and dreams just long enough to put them into action.

We may step through our castle’s threshold to discover the unexplored space of sound, the magnificent palettes of color, and the multiple textures of surface.

We are each given dice to roll, we add up our spots of feelings, our intensity of emotions, and get the sum, which I call wisdom.

Finally, in “Cancer and Creativity workshops” the weekly two-hour commitment opens opportunities to express our transforming and often cancer engulfed lives. The art therapy workshops help to honor who I am and how I am living with cancer.

Postscript:

The weekly writing and group therapy sessions at The Wellness Community in Santa Monica have opened opportunities to explore and empower feelings. The meetings provide a small and safe forum for my fears and progress. As a result, my life has improved because of not only the programs at the Wellness Community, but the art therapy workshops at Premiere Oncology, also in Santa Monica, California.

14 Days off: #5

2009-12-25T22:41:00.000-08:00

I spent Christmas Day at two different homes

with loving family and friends

"You look good Michelle, real good!"

"Thank you, I'm happy to be here"

14 Days off: #4

2009-12-24T09:48:00.001-08:00

During my childhood walks

I would find these two flowers*

They were supposed to have super powers

One would provide answers to my wishes

and the other,

when placed under my chin,

Would foresee a unique insight into my friendships

During my walk today,

I didn't pick either of the flowers, but

I still wondered if

They retain those childhood powers

*Note:

After I published the above I learned

that the two flowers in the photograph

were instead a round seed head and a

yellow flower of the common Dandelion plant

14 Days off: #3

2009-12-23T20:32:00.000-08:00

Today in writing group for cancer survivors

I explored the concept of

contentment

While my philosophy of life is to view my challenges through the eyes of a creative artist

I find it difficult when cancer symptoms seem to sneak up on me

For example...

Is my abdominal bloating caused from ineffective

chemotheraphy medication

Is it from the over-salted dinner the night before?

Is my crazy-acting GI system a result of X, Y, or Z,

Is it because the cancer-killing oral medication is too weak?

Is the next CA-125 tumor marker blood test going to be lower,

Is it going to be higher than the previous test seven weeks ago?

The pendulum of cancer swings from fear to contentment

So as I once again look at my photograph,

each holly leaf is made up of a smooth, glossy surface

While around the outside are

sharp, spiny toothed edges

14 Days off: #2

2009-12-22T17:11:00.000-08:00

For the people living in the Los Angeles area

our yards are filled with feet of flowers

and not feet of snow

I'm using my walks to

strengthen my endurance,

appreciate the life that surrounds me,

and

focus on images that improves my well-being

Mental imagery and relaxation techniques from

the late Dr. O Carl Simonton

and

the late Harold Benjamin

help me to

focus,

center, &

heal

on a daily basis